KIYOTAKA ISHIMARU is the only one on my roster that doesn't completely suck at Christmas and that's sad, and he's been working half a million jobs to pay for this so he's going all out for once in his miserable life. Mondo Oowada - OH MY GOD KYOUDAI IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WEAR A DAMN SHIRT YOU'RE GOING TO BE GETTING THE WARMEST GODDAMN SCARF IN JOHTO :| ...also he. he might be getting you cotton candy. lots of it. just this once. ...and let's be honest with ourselves he's dragging you out shopping and buying you a damn proper shirt anyway. Parker - well, since she tends to ask for money, she's getting a ridiculous amount of money. And a few days before Christmas (so she can wear them for the next few days, naturally, if she wants to), she's getting some insanely gaudy hair decs. The sort with bells attached to them. Some of them have little lights. All of them are hideous shades of red and green and gold. THE ONES WITH LIGHTS BLINK BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY DO. Makoto Naegi - you're getting a coat, of the "intensely nice peacoat" variety, for use during special occasions when the hoodie is not appropriate. (SUCH OCCASIONS DO EXIST, NAEGI-KUN.) It's green and at least seems to verify that Ishimaru has more of a grasp on what fashion is than he thinks he does. Chiaki Nanami - one of those board-game sets that converts into like six different boards because why not, also a protective case for storing things in that's emblazoned with the mascot from Robot Rapidash Attack Leon Kuwata - you're getting cologne that's supposed to be popular with the ladies (DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE MILLION SHADES OF RED HE TURNED TRYING TO ASK SOMEONE AT THE DEPARTMENT STORE FOR THIS) Yasuhiro Hagakure - you are getting enough packs of incense to make the entire house hate Ishimaru for giving them to you in the first place because our sinuses will never be the same, as well as a specialty tarot deck themed around Pokémon and various bits of lore that fall into OOPArt territory Byakuya Togami - collars for those two moneycats of yours, high-quality and with a small Comet Shard encased in wire hanging from each one. So basically it looks kind of like they're carrying the Universe from MIB, but at least it's not going halfway because shit's expensive. Celestia Ludenberg - because it's Christmas and we're practically obligated to be nice to you, you're getting a good amount of Stardust (that can be sold for much $$$), also one of those red roses that give everybody the wrong idea. Carmen Sandiego - you're finally getting that report you asked for, also a set of earrings that convert from clip to pierced as needed - gold with small Star Pieces in them. John Egbert - you are getting so many knockoff pokemon-centered horror/paranormal/sci-fi dvds, man. like, of the b-movie so-bad-they're-awesome variety. Maka Albarn - hair decs. Hair decs everywhere. With Emolgas all up on them. Carter Blake - THE CARE PACKAGE YOU ARE GETTING, GOOD SIR, BECAUSE AFTER THAT LAST CONVERSATION HE WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF YOU FAILED YOUR WAY RIGHT INTO A TREE OR A FIRE OR OFF A CLIFF OR SOMETHING Rude - look he has no idea what to get you but like hell if he's not going to try, so just...cuff...links? guys in suits like cufflinks right AT LEAST THEY'RE NICE... Jack Skellington - you are getting a damn tie patterned with Gengars making snowmen because wow what does he even get you, AT LEAST IT'S CUTE??? Shaun Mars - you're getting one of Aiko's eggs, and the egg moveset is positively terrifying, I will get on finding it again in a moment; also one of those ridiculously long red scarves he likes so you too can be a sentai hero or...something Walter - is getting a care package thing as well, though it's less I HOPE YOU DON'T DIE HAVE A LOT OF MEDICINE and more just..."here it kind of sucks to be on the routes without these things," so ACTUALLY DECENT FOOD THAT DOESN'T SUCK also have this compass bro because you seem like the sort to wander in circles for years before working out where you're going, also unintentional symbolism sure why not
...Kyouko Kirigiri - BECAUSE HE TOTALLY DIDN'T FORGET YOU HE SWEARS you're getting perfume, and Ishimaru's taste in these things is actually surprisingly not godawful, also he's been shopping with Celes a few times so he sort of knows what he's doing. So at least it's decent if not necessarily blueberry-scented
SOLF J KIMBLEE really sucks at Christmas and most of the CR he actually gets things for are no longer present, but... Frank Archer - you are getting That Thing We Discussed Carmen Sandiego - you are getting That Thing We Discussed Cobra Commander - SO guess who got a version of the Amestrian military uniform commissioned, albeit without all the Amestrian military insignia (because they closest they were willing to do was Dragonairs and that's just...no). He is fully aware that if you ever wear this thing it's going to be with the fucking faceplate but you know what, it's for this...potential Thing We Are Going To Do let's all show solidarity go fight win he's bad at this can you tell Kato - you are getting a letter demanding that we go have fun sometime, also well-wishes for the season i guess, also a card for the department store for 20000P so you can just go on a ridiculous shopping spree for all the dresses and makeup you like because he's not judging your lifestyle for once today Envy - you're getting a list of his current roster, if there's anything you want ping him for it and you'll get an egg with likely terrifying egg moves Carter Blake - you are getting a letter wishing you well for the season, also indicating that if you're not taking care of his overpowered onion he's going to garrote you in your sleep, no pressure happy holidays Dist - you're getting a Bronzor egg because why in the good hell not tbh Crow - because he likes those letters wishing people well for the season, have that also 20000P, such money very "i tried" wow
ALFRED ASHFORD kind of hates everyone! But there are a couple of people he hates marginally less than the others, so. Bertholdt Fubar - you are getting a Joltik egg because nothing says "you tried" like being gifted a tiny spider. Of course, this is also going to be a level 1 thing that already knows Fury Cutter, Agility, Bug Bite and X-Scissor as egg moves. So it's a mildly terrifying tiny spider! sob i'm so sorry Phi - you're getting a puzzle box. Don't worry, it's a nice one. ...it's also hard mode so it takes about a million moves to open, but there's chocolate in it so yeah. Shut up, you talk to him at stupid o'clock in the morning and keep him halfway sane.
GLaDOS still has no idea why this is a thing we're doing, but hell, she was granted a lot of materials by a Certain Benefactor so we're doing it. Carmen Sandiego and Obito Uchiha - you guys are getting a Companion Cube each, because why not. Try not to throw it into a fire, have fun figuring out what to do with it. Frank Archer, Dist and...oh hell why not Crocker can have one too - you guys are getting turrets. They don't fire, of course, and they don't have sophisticated enough AI to think for themselves, but they do have motion sensors/laser sights and will speak when moved in front of/picked up. Stay in front of them too long and their little chassis things will open and...nothing will happen but that annoying snk-snk-snk sound of WE HAVE NO BULLETS HELP US PLEASE but hey, they're trying. (She had to record all the lines and so they're all sounding way less innocent and way more sarcastic than usual.) Kato - you are likewise getting a turret, it's just one of the crap black ones with no casing. Expect terrible pick-up lines and general confusion as opposed to anything useful. c: (Also because these turrets are canonly male where she's from, she got Ryuunosuke to record these before he left Johto. SO YOU HAVE A CRAP TURRET THAT SOUNDS LIKE RYUUNOSUKE, YAY.)
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Mondo Oowada - OH MY GOD KYOUDAI IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WEAR A DAMN SHIRT YOU'RE GOING TO BE GETTING THE WARMEST GODDAMN SCARF IN JOHTO :| ...also he. he might be getting you cotton candy. lots of it. just this once. ...and let's be honest with ourselves he's dragging you out shopping and buying you a damn proper shirt anyway.
Parker - well, since she tends to ask for money, she's getting a ridiculous amount of money. And a few days before Christmas (so she can wear them for the next few days, naturally, if she wants to), she's getting some insanely gaudy hair decs. The sort with bells attached to them. Some of them have little lights. All of them are hideous shades of red and green and gold. THE ONES WITH LIGHTS BLINK BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY DO.
Makoto Naegi - you're getting a coat, of the "intensely nice peacoat" variety, for use during special occasions when the hoodie is not appropriate. (SUCH OCCASIONS DO EXIST, NAEGI-KUN.) It's green and at least seems to verify that Ishimaru has more of a grasp on what fashion is than he thinks he does.
Chiaki Nanami - one of those board-game sets that converts into like six different boards because why not, also a protective case for storing things in that's emblazoned with the mascot from Robot Rapidash Attack
Leon Kuwata - you're getting cologne that's supposed to be popular with the ladies (DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE MILLION SHADES OF RED HE TURNED TRYING TO ASK SOMEONE AT THE DEPARTMENT STORE FOR THIS)
Yasuhiro Hagakure - you are getting enough packs of incense to make the entire house hate Ishimaru for giving them to you in the first place because our sinuses will never be the same, as well as a specialty tarot deck themed around Pokémon and various bits of lore that fall into OOPArt territory
Byakuya Togami - collars for those two moneycats of yours, high-quality and with a small Comet Shard encased in wire hanging from each one. So basically it looks kind of like they're carrying the Universe from MIB, but at least it's not going halfway because shit's expensive.
Celestia Ludenberg - because it's Christmas and we're practically obligated to be nice to you, you're getting a good amount of Stardust (that can be sold for much $$$), also one of those red roses that give everybody the wrong idea.
Carmen Sandiego - you're finally getting that report you asked for, also a set of earrings that convert from clip to pierced as needed - gold with small Star Pieces in them.
John Egbert - you are getting so many knockoff pokemon-centered horror/paranormal/sci-fi dvds, man. like, of the b-movie so-bad-they're-awesome variety.
Maka Albarn - hair decs. Hair decs everywhere. With Emolgas all up on them.
Carter Blake - THE CARE PACKAGE YOU ARE GETTING, GOOD SIR, BECAUSE AFTER THAT LAST CONVERSATION HE WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF YOU FAILED YOUR WAY RIGHT INTO A TREE OR A FIRE OR OFF A CLIFF OR SOMETHING
Rude - look he has no idea what to get you but like hell if he's not going to try, so just...cuff...links? guys in suits like cufflinks right AT LEAST THEY'RE NICE...
Jack Skellington - you are getting a damn tie patterned with Gengars making snowmen because wow what does he even get you, AT LEAST IT'S CUTE???
Shaun Mars - you're getting one of Aiko's eggs, and the egg moveset is positively terrifying, I will get on finding it again in a moment; also one of those ridiculously long red scarves he likes so you too can be a sentai hero or...something
Walter - is getting a care package thing as well, though it's less I HOPE YOU DON'T DIE HAVE A LOT OF MEDICINE and more just..."here it kind of sucks to be on the routes without these things," so ACTUALLY DECENT FOOD THAT DOESN'T SUCK also have this compass bro because you seem like the sort to wander in circles for years before working out where you're going, also unintentional symbolism sure why not
...Kyouko Kirigiri - BECAUSE HE TOTALLY DIDN'T FORGET YOU HE SWEARS you're getting perfume, and Ishimaru's taste in these things is actually surprisingly not godawful, also he's been shopping with Celes a few times so he sort of knows what he's doing. So at least it's decent
if not necessarily blueberry-scentedSOLF J KIMBLEE really sucks at Christmas and most of the CR he actually gets things for are no longer present, but...
Frank Archer - you are getting That Thing We Discussed
Carmen Sandiego - you are getting That Thing We Discussed
Cobra Commander - SO guess who got a version of the Amestrian military uniform commissioned, albeit without all the Amestrian military insignia (because they closest they were willing to do was Dragonairs and that's just...no). He is fully aware that if you ever wear this thing it's going to be with the fucking faceplate but you know what, it's for this...potential Thing We Are Going To Do let's all show solidarity go fight win he's bad at this can you tell
Kato - you are getting a letter demanding that we go have fun sometime, also well-wishes for the season i guess, also a card for the department store for 20000P so you can just go on a ridiculous shopping spree for all the dresses and makeup you like because he's not judging your lifestyle for once today
Envy - you're getting a list of his current roster, if there's anything you want ping him for it and you'll get an egg with likely terrifying egg moves
Carter Blake - you are getting a letter wishing you well for the season, also indicating that if you're not taking care of his overpowered onion he's going to garrote you in your sleep, no pressure happy holidays
Dist - you're getting a Bronzor egg because why in the good hell not tbh
Crow - because he likes those letters wishing people well for the season, have that also 20000P, such money very "i tried" wow
ALFRED ASHFORD kind of hates everyone! But there are a couple of people he hates marginally less than the others, so.
Bertholdt Fubar - you are getting a Joltik egg because nothing says "you tried" like being gifted a tiny spider. Of course, this is also going to be a level 1 thing that already knows Fury Cutter, Agility, Bug Bite and X-Scissor as egg moves. So it's a mildly terrifying tiny spider!
sob i'm so sorryPhi - you're getting a puzzle box. Don't worry, it's a nice one. ...it's also hard mode so it takes about a million moves to open, but there's chocolate in it so yeah. Shut up, you talk to him at stupid o'clock in the morning and keep him halfway sane.
GLaDOS still has no idea why this is a thing we're doing, but hell, she was granted a lot of materials by a Certain Benefactor so we're doing it.
Carmen Sandiego and Obito Uchiha - you guys are getting a Companion Cube each, because why not. Try not to throw it into a fire, have fun figuring out what to do with it.
Frank Archer, Dist and...oh hell why not Crocker can have one too - you guys are getting turrets. They don't fire, of course, and they don't have sophisticated enough AI to think for themselves, but they do have motion sensors/laser sights and will speak when moved in front of/picked up. Stay in front of them too long and their little chassis things will open and...nothing will happen but that annoying snk-snk-snk sound of WE HAVE NO BULLETS HELP US PLEASE but hey, they're trying. (She had to record all the lines and so they're all sounding way less innocent and way more sarcastic than usual.)
Kato - you are likewise getting a turret, it's just one of the crap black ones with no casing. Expect terrible pick-up lines and general confusion as opposed to anything useful. c: (Also because these turrets are canonly male where she's from, she got Ryuunosuke to record these before he left Johto. SO YOU HAVE A CRAP TURRET THAT SOUNDS LIKE RYUUNOSUKE, YAY.)