slowpoke_gif | come on and take a test drive (test drive)!

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test-drive meme

come on and take a test drive (test drive)!

TEST DRIVE MEME

➞ Post with a character you wish to test drive in this game's setting.
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➞ Have fun!

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Nah, actually, I started with a little psychic dude that turned into ballerina and then some kind of combat telepath. The birds came later. The birds always come later.

[He shifts in his seat, arms folded across his chest.]

So, dude, like. Why were you looking for Terezi. I wasn't aware you guys talked that much.

[You know, besides the time Terezi made Davesprite's timeline happen.]

[...Okay, John's not even going to ask about the ballerina thing. He can't even tell if that's Dave-speak happening or if there was actually a little mind-reading guy that put on a tutu and then read minds while being Jackie Chan. Anything could happen here. As far as John knows, the possibilities are limitless.]

Terezi sent me on all of these bullshit quests to try and fix the timeline or something. So I had to unframe Vriska for a few murders and also give past-Terezi dating advice from future-Terezi, and I also had to honk a horn. Basically none of it made any sense, and I'm pretty sure it was all just a clever trolling technique, and now I'm here. It's probably part of her grand master prank schematic, but I haven't figured out how yet.

[How Terezi can get any joy out of this from beyond the grave is beyond John, but hey. Trolls are weird.]

Why are you here?

Well--

[Wait. Wait. What did John just say? The hell, did any of that make sense, is he losing his goddamn mind?]

Fix the. What. Since when could you do that? When did--what the fuck, when are you even from, dude?

[TELL HIM ABOUT HOMESTUCK.]

I don't know! The last thing I remember is punching Vriska from like, three years ago! Only it was on the meteor?

[A big SIIIIGH. John's not even the Time player. He shouldn't have to put up with this.]

Anyways, I stuck my hand into a magical glowing house, and now I can sort of jump around the timeline at random, and so Terezi gave me a list of things to do on her blood scarf before she died. And I had just finished up all of her tasks, but now I'm here!

[That definitely clears things up, right?]

[...

...............

.......................................

What?]

This must be what it's like. This is what it sounds like when I talk. Oh my god, it's like I'm looking into an infinite mirror of inscrutable toolish nonsense except with bad hair and glasses.

[But, weirdly, things are becoming a little clearer. Dave lowers his hands slightly to stare at John.]

You. Dude, you altered the alpha timeline?

What do you mean "except with bad hair and glasses", man? You also have bad hair and glasses!

[John huffs. The nerve!]

Anyways, I guess that I probably did? I didn't actually get go back to see what happened. So who knows? Like I said, I never ruled out the possibility that it was all just Terezi trolling me.

Your face has--wait. Terezi gave you dating advice? To give back to her, I mean. To Past Terezi, who I assume was from three years ago, given that you had the opportunity to punch Vriska in the face. I'm assuming the face, it's artistic embellishment.

[UmmmmMMMMMMMM I mean, not like he's interested, or anything, because who gives a shit, but also, like. You know. It wouldn't be awful to have a little more information about. The first part of this topic.]

What...advice. Did you give her.

Yeah, it was totally her face! Punching somebody in the arm just isn't as effective, you know?

[Oh, crap. The dating advice. Yeah, about that Dave...]

Well... All she told me to tell her was "you don't need him."

[A pause. A very guilty pause.]

But I.... might have told her to not date you? Look, a lot of things happened, and I can't be responsible for anything that I may or may not have written on the back of a Nic Cage movie poster.

...Huh.

[A timeline where he didn't date Terezi. A timeline where maybe they're still friends and it's not all awkward. That could be good?]

Meh, actually, that might be kind of a good call. I mean, you're still getting like a year's worth of vicious noogie-ing, but that's practically unrelated, it's just your accumulated bro debt at this point. And that's with your timeline hero discount already applied. You know I'm not cheap.

[He crosses his arms again, because he can tell he's gonna have some kind of gross emotion--about the timeline, about there being some hope for them after all. About John.]

So when should I pick you up?

If I'm in for a year of noogies then you're in for like... at least two years of noogies, man. Probably more! There are also the actions of bird Dave to take into account and all.

[He will not be out-noogied. No siree.

Wait, what was that last part?]

Pick me up? What are you talking about?

[B (]

Well, I was gonna own my conscientious best bro duty and rocket in on a giant robot to escort you to civilization, but dude, don't hate on Davesprite, dude's had a hard time and also he's totally not me, eat several dicks in the corner and think about what you've done. No giant robots for bird racists. Bad John. Bad.

What! I am so not a bird racist. Look, I even have one on my head right now!

[John sweeps the camera up to show Dave his cloud bird, who chirrups happily at the camera. See, John is totally bird-friendly; his newest friend is a bird.]

Anyways, I bet you don't really have a giant robot.

...Do you?

[Dave considers the challenge silently, arms crossed, face unreadable. Then, he lifts his chin and calls:]

Gigantor.

[And into the frame lumbers nine-foot-two-inches of clay-footed, glowing-eyed Golurk, crouching awkwardly over Dave's shoulder to peer into the camera.]

Why don't you say hi to John, buddy?

[Gigantor makes a hollow, rumbling noise, and then lifts a hand about twice as heavy as Dave probably weighs. And gives John a tiny wave. Hello, John. :>]

[Okay, wow, that thing is huge. Dave is rewarded by John's mouth actually falling open in shock.]

Holy crap, what is that thing? Is it friendly? Why is it called Gigantor?

[It feels like every extra moment John spends here, he just has more questions which are not getting answered nearly quickly enough.]

Uh, because that's what I named it? Manners, John. Jesus.

[Dave pats Gigantor's hand, and the Golurk sits back on its haunches, unblinking and patient.]

It's a Golurk, which is, like...some kind of clay war machine possessed by a ghost, or something. Did you know there's a whole subset of Ghost-type Pokémon? Imagine.

[Ghosts, John. Ghosts.]

[John's eyes light up at that. Sure, he's sort of dealt with ghosts before with the dreambubble shenanigans, but those are the sad types of ghosts that are just dead people instead of the cool kind of ghosts that drool ectoplasm and throw things around.]

Oh man. Does that mean that there are Pokemon Ghostbusters? Pokeballs are kind of like Proton Packs, so there's gotta be. If not then this universe is totally bullshit!

Is there a slimer Pokemon? I'm going to catch the slimer Pokemon.

There's at least a Pokémon Ghostbusters movie. Gastlybusters. I'm not watching it with you.

[As if there's really a question about that. Of course Dave's watching it with him.]

[John's entire face lights up like he's just heard that he's getting all of those Christmas and birthday presents he's been overdue for all at once. A new Ghostbusters flick that he hasn't yet seen with his own two eyes? This is the best thing that has officially happened to him, ever.]

Oh man, Gastlybusters? I've gotta watch this immediately. Do you have a copy? Like you can't just tell me that something like that exists and not watch it with me. That's got to be forbidden by some best bro clause I think.

[He's pacing around a little bit, not even really looking at the screen anymore. He's just thinking of the possibilities.]

God, I can't even imagine how awesome this is. Are there like, Pokemon universe versions of Bill Murray and Sigourney Weaver? Are all of the characters Pokemons now? Where can you even buy Pokemon movies, is there like a Pokemon Blockbuster or something?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

come on and take a test drive (test drive)!

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