come on and take a test drive (test drive)!

[these_guys]

TEST DRIVE MEME


➞ Post with a character you wish to test drive in this game's setting.
➞ Tag other people's starters and thread out shenanigans!
➞ Invite your friends! Try out new characters! Come play with us!
➞ Have fun!


NOT SURE WHERE TO BEGIN YOUR TEST-DRIVE JOURNEY?
CHECK OUT ALL THE LOCATIONS WE HAVE AVAILABLE IN:

JOHTO | and | KANTO

✭ ✭ ✭

OTHER USEFUL LINKS:
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Comments

John Egbert | Homestuck

[harlequinhater]

[It's pretty hard to pull off the whole "mad at the multiverse" vibe when there's a little bird cloud nesting on your head, but John is doing his damndest.

Last thing he can remember, he'd been running mysterious and nonsensical errands for some troll girl. Then he woke up here, in a weird bed, with a backpack and a bird. Now, he's strolling around town, his hands shoved into his pockets as he does his best to ignore that faint background music that seems to persist wherever he goes. Seriously, whose idea was that?

John stops stomping around once he gets to the town limits, at which point he realizes he is totally and irreconcilably lost. Which means it's time to have a temper tantrum at the sky.]

This is stupid! This doesn't make any sense! This place doesn't even look like Sburb, and I definitely don't remember any of these guys from the game. [A gesture to his fluffy hat.] Terezi, was this your idea? Can you see me right now? Well, haha, very funny! I'm totally cowed by your trolling prowess. Now send me back!

[And now he's making some not-so-kind gestures up in Terezi's perceived direction, causing his new bird friend to flutter nervously. It's been a long day, alright?]

[Video]

[callbacks]

[You know what, John, something in your pocket is blinking at you, because god forbid the universe allow you and your bestie-best meet in person, ever, for more than five seconds at a time.

Anyway, maybe it's fine that John not notice the PokéGear is recording him right away. Dave's face is not prepared.

It's him.

He's really here.

Dave might start to say something to get John's attention, but something beaky and black sticks her eye right up to the camera and CAWS. LOUDLY. NEW PHONE, WHO DIS???]

KRAWW!

[Video]

[harlequinhater]

[John nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears something in his pocket screaming bloody murder at him. He screams back, and the bird on his head fluffs its clouds up until it's about twice its original size. He's the cloud king right now, it's him.]

What the heck? When did this turn on?

[He shakes it a little. It's not like he doesn't know how to use technology, but this is still new to him. Maybe shaking is how it works.]

Is somebody there? Terezi, is that you?

[Video]

[callbacks]

[The bird was a distaction, and the moment she buys him is just enough for Dave to gather himself and shoo her out of the way, flapping his hand until she hops back out of his lap. There. Now he can gaze upon the dumb visage of his best friend.]

Excuse your face, John. Poe's dulcet stylings are way easier on the ears than anything Terezi's got to say.

[Video]

[harlequinhater]

Woah! Hi, Dave!

[John fiddles with the Pokegear a bit, trying to find the proper distance and angle to hold it out from him to make his face look the right size. For a moment, it just shows a very clear image of his own bird friend, who is poofed up with indignation. But finally, he seems to get it figured out.]

So I guess you're here too? Wherever "here" is, anyways. Did you also wake up with a weird bird who makes nests in your hair?

[Video]

[callbacks]

Nah, actually, I started with a little psychic dude that turned into ballerina and then some kind of combat telepath. The birds came later. The birds always come later.

[He shifts in his seat, arms folded across his chest.]

So, dude, like. Why were you looking for Terezi. I wasn't aware you guys talked that much.

[You know, besides the time Terezi made Davesprite's timeline happen.]

[Video]

[harlequinhater]

[...Okay, John's not even going to ask about the ballerina thing. He can't even tell if that's Dave-speak happening or if there was actually a little mind-reading guy that put on a tutu and then read minds while being Jackie Chan. Anything could happen here. As far as John knows, the possibilities are limitless.]

Terezi sent me on all of these bullshit quests to try and fix the timeline or something. So I had to unframe Vriska for a few murders and also give past-Terezi dating advice from future-Terezi, and I also had to honk a horn. Basically none of it made any sense, and I'm pretty sure it was all just a clever trolling technique, and now I'm here. It's probably part of her grand master prank schematic, but I haven't figured out how yet.

[How Terezi can get any joy out of this from beyond the grave is beyond John, but hey. Trolls are weird.]

Why are you here?

[eclectictype]

[Hello John, if you like one bird cloud, you're really going to love the much bigger one flying overhead trilling some song. Despite that, Jade still hears the words "Sburb" and "Terezi" which causes a chain reaction of "hooooold on!" to her Altaria.

One mid-air stop and back up later has Jade jumping down to see for herself if this ranting teen is who she thinks he is.]

...Oh my god. [She'd recognize that wild ineffectual gesture of rage anywhere!] John! Joooohhhhnnn!

[harlequinhater]

[Oh thank god, it's a friendly face. At least, he thinks so? The last he heard from Jade, she was gray and dead, but she seems pretty undead and ungray here, so he's going to hope that things are cool between them.]

Jade? Geez, now I'm even more confused! What are you doing here? And where is here? And what are all of these weird blue cloud things?

[eclectictype]

Oh, fuck the exposition shit for a second--come here!

[AAAAaaAAA--she's attacking with the Older Twin Sister Hugs! Jade's definitely alive and definitely happy to see John, so it goes without saying things are more than cool with them.]

[Apus--her Altaria--simply waits for this moment to pass.]

I missed you so much, you goober.

[harlequinhater]

[Okay, John's a little taken aback by that hug, but he's definitely not so taken aback that he's not going to hug back. That'd just be rude! Besides, Older Twin Sister Hugs are a vast improvement over Evil Twin Sister Dog Tackles.]

It's nice to see you too Jade! Though wait- I saw you like two hours ago, what do you mean you-

[It hits him pretty quickly and he lets out a long groan over Jade's shoulder.]

Ughhh, is this more timeline bullshit again?

[eclectictype]

Yes, unfortunately the timeline bullshit is at it again.

[Right, John's had enough, she'll release him from the vice grip of familial love and take a step back.]

Let me guess, you are going to say that the last time you saw me I was evil and grey, right? That's what Dave and Karkat had to say, too. I am pleased to announce that I have been released from the fish-bitch's control and I'm fine now, no more grimbark bullshit from me. Oh--also? It's 2016 here, so we jumped forward in the future of Pokemons? Now there's a whole lot more and a whole lot of different stuff to learn.

[harlequinhater]

That is exactly what I was going to say! Anyways, I'm glad you aren't evil and gray anymore, but that still raises a lot of questions. Like why are we in the world of future Pokemons? How did we get here?

[Seriously. Out of one video game and into another? Or is this some dreambubble bullshit? He's getting a headache. Maybe it'd be best to focus on the easy fun stuff for now.]

Okay, so anyways, Dave and Karkat are here too? Are they also Pokemon masters?

[in4apounding]

Wow, those are some really rude gestures... Are you okay?

[Penny's not even sure what they actually mean, not that that says much.]

[But aome of those phrases are, at this point, familiar. Processing...]

Oh my gosh!

[And running over excitedly now.]

Are you one of Dave and Jade's friends?!

[harlequinhater]

[This is going to take a moment to process. A red head girl is standing in front of him, but apparently she knows two of his friends? Yet he doesn't know her. Given that his social circle has only ever really been three people and then some aliens, this is a little confusing.

But on the bright side: she knows his friends, which means she can't be all that bad, and it also means they're here!]

Yeah, Dave and Jade are my friends! Do you know them? I'm John, by the way.

[in4apounding]

[By very, very technical terms she is also an alien, so at least that is still a constant.]

Oh, you're John! That's sensational, Dave and Jade have talked about you a LOT!

[Mostly that he's Jade's nerdy brother who likes jokes and awful movies, but shh.]

Yes! We've been traveling together, Dave and I arrived here on the same day, and Jade showed up not long after. And Karkat a few months after that, but... I'm not sure if he counts as a friend or not? He's a little confusing.

[harlequinhater]

Oh man, they talked about me? What did they say? I mean, if Dave said it, it was probably totally wrong and meant to slander my good name, but I still want to know.

[Either way, it makes him feel warm and fuzzy that his friends have been talking about him.]

Oh, and I wouldn't worry about Karkat. If he yells at you a lot, he probably likes you. He's an alien. It's just his culture.

[in4apounding]

That you were a great friend who liked pranks and movies a lot, and who they've really missed!

[This assessment brought to you by a relentlessly optimistic mental filter.]

You think so? I know a little bit about troll culture. It sounds like it was really-

[Violent. Cruel. Ridiculously militaristic.]

...very, very different.

[harlequinhater]

Yeah! I mean, I'm pretty sure that me and him are bros, but that doesn't stop him from yelling at me whenever he sees me. But it's like... he yells because he cares, you know?

[It could also be because you're appearing out of thin air for no reason whatsoever. But John's going for friendship yells.]

Try pushing him down a flight of friendships stairs sometime! I think that's probably like the same thing as a hug to trolls.

HI I'VE BEEN SO DISTRACTED I'M SORRY

[quadrangle]

[With as FUCKING BIZARRE as his life has been lately, the last thing Karkat expects is anyone from his universe turning up, but here he is strolling around the curiously undefined city when oh god that's a familiar voice, please tell him he isn't imagining it. Not that he... has any clue at all what to say to John Egbert at a point in their timelines when they both, uh, know how that first attempt at trolling went, but maybe he can ignore that completely? WHO KNOWS.

Either way, hello, John, hope you don't mind the Ambiguously Brown human hovering nearby while he tries to figure out how the fuck to initiate some form of conversation. How does this work. Like. Seriously.]

... Are you fucking finished yet.

[That'll. Do?]

NO WORRIES im just happy to see the crab here

[harlequinhater]

[John whips around when he hears a kind-of familiar voice, causing the bird Pokemon on his head to let out a displeased chirrup as its forced to re-nest. He had been so caught up in yelling at the sky that he hadn't even noticed somebody else was there.

Geez! Talk about embarrassing. He's just going to keep yelling because he's not really sure how else to handle this situation right now.]

No! I'm not done! And I do not think I will be done until I get some answers about all of this bullcrap! As a matter of fact...

[Hold up a sec. There is something reeeaally familiar about this guy. John squints his eyes and cocks his head to the side to try and make sense of it..... and yeah, there's nothing.]

Do I know you?

been pretty excited to see the eggman here, too :D

[quadrangle]

[Karkat is momentarily distracted by the Pokémon (doesn't Dave have one of those?), but then the yelling resumes and yeah, okay, this is getting kind of fucking tedious, is this what talking to him is like? Except John's so incredibly John about it that if Karkat were literally anyone else, it would be impossible to stay mad at him. As things are, what the fuck is wrong with you, John, why do you think he's even standing there? Because he's hoping to get a refreshing human spittle shower? Argh.]

I'm almost tempted to make you guess just to put off the inevitable barrage of human friendship platitudes except I'm already so fucking nauseated by your stupidity that the second you start, I would unleash a torrent of vomit so massive it would drown you and leave us right back where we fucking started.

[And, just in case that wasn't hint enough—]

It's Karkat.

[harlequinhater]

[He catches on about the moment the phrase "human friendship platitudes" comes spilling out of Karkat's mouth, and hearing the name just confirms it. Well, this was about the last thing he expected.]

Karkat? What the hell? No way is that you!

[John walks over and, without warning, starts feeling up Karkat's head, rooting his hands through the former troll's hair in search of something. Personal space, what's that?]

Where are your horns? Why aren't you gray? What happened?

[quadrangle]

[—UM, OKAY, A LOT OF TOUCHING IS HAPPENING, KARKAT WAS NOT PREPARED. Jade had hugged him the moment they met in person, but this?? Definitely not something he'd seen coming.

He's too stunned at first to react, which gives John plenty of time to assault his poor unprotected cranium, but the moment he recovers, he's batting at the human's hands and trying to contain his blush that is totally not a thing at all and obviously a figment of your imagination.]

W-what the hell, John, back the fuck off! [Swat, swat, retreat. Can he just put some distance between them, this is uncomfortably physical.] It happened when I came here! Everyone who isn't human winds up with your inferior anatomy, dipstick, which I was going to tell you before you decided to flip your shit and grab me!

[And he's just. Going to keep his own hands on his head now. No more touching, he can't deal with the touching.]

[harlequinhater]

Hey, I just wanted to check for myself!

[John holds his hands up with a passive "woah there" expression on his face. It's just some hair Karkat, no need to flip out about that, geez. Still, he's confirmed that there are no horns on the former troll's head, so mission accomplished.]

Anyways, that does sound pretty weird. But I can't fly anymore so I guess it's kind of the same deal? You would stick out a lot around here if you were still gray and I would stick out a lot if I were flying above all of the normal people, who are not gray and don't have awesome wind powers.

[Because losing cool powers is exactly the same as becoming an entirely different species, right?]